the importance of co-regulating

From a young age, I have found myself regularly navigating new waters, partly circumstantial, and partly by choice. My commitment to learning and adapting is deep. Working on myself, in whatever context, has been a necessity. It has taken me years to understand how effective it can be to make changes while working on myself in the company of a supportive other. But after a set of particularly difficult and isolating years, the value of co-regulating became crystal clear to me. Co-regulating, or connecting with others in a safe environment, repeats or begins something that we ought to have experienced in childhood. By safe space I mean that the environment is not only free of physical or psychological threat but that it is a space to pay attention to what is happening to us when we are activated, in any of the flight, fight, freeze or fawn states. When our limbic system takes over, even if it is highly motivating (and seemingly very effective), we are reacting rather than responding. When a coaching partnership is established, we can access “the pause”, or a perspective shift that allows for intentional action. And when there is limited capacity to act, we can again access that perspective to take us out of our freeze state. Partnering with people and situations that provide this haven of safety is essential if we are to grow.